More than one...

This is something I've been thinking about for some time now, it's something that really strikes a cord with me. 

Will I be able to possibly love another child as much as I love Gage? This is probably the reason Tyler and I have spaced out these two so much. I've been content with Gage, my heart has been filled. He has been my everything for the past 4 years, and it scares me to have to share that. Will I be able to answer to both their every things like I do now? Will I be able to cuddle them as much as I do Gage now? Will I be the same mom I am to him with another one? I know things will change and I'm ok with that I just hope he will be. I hope the friendship of having a brother will bring about a whole new life for him. I'm so thankful I've had these past 4 years with my boy to love and cherish. I feel like our relationship is so incredibly strong. This might make things tricky because we have had 4 years just us. Other families have their children closer together so adding another to the family might seem less dramatic. My sisters and I are 4 years apart and we have always been pretty close. Now we're all best friends and I couldn't imagine not having my sisters, so that gives me hope that my boys will be best friends. I see families that have 5, 6, 7 kids and I just don't know how they do it. I for sure would not want to do it, and think I might be stopping at 2. Don't mark my words for that though, we all know how much I love being pregnant! I want to give both my boys the world, and I will. I want them to be active in sports and school. I want them to have memories of vacations and family time. I want them to always feel loved and wanted and needed. I want them to never have to go without a necessity and a need. I want them to always know that they're my world and for me bringing them into this world was a big deal. In my pregnant emotional state I've read a few blogs of families struggling with sickness and dying children, and my world shakes. Why do these loving families have to struggle and experience loss, when other families abuse and ignore. I know there is not much I can do with these situations but keep on loving. Life isn't fair but I will wake up every morning thankful for two boys that are healthy. One day baby boy #2 will read this and I hope he sees how much he is loved already. I want him to see how important he is in our world, and I want him to know he's wanted.  I also want Gage to read this and know the same. If I do nothing else with my life I want to leave this world knowing and showing how much I loved my children. I may not be the best mom but I sure as heck do my best.